Branch Brothers Main Homepage / BranchArt
Branch Brothers Original MusicWriter's Corner Homepage

Editorials / Poetry / Quotations / Lyrics

Back to Editorials
Back To Writer's Corner

The International Institute for the Research of Assholism

The focus of this year’s annual agendum has been to clarify the issues at hand. The
sheer magnitude of assholes that now roam our planet has warranted more in-depth
studies in an attempt to, hopefully, find some kind of explanation. Here at the institute
we’ve found it necessary to categorize them in an attempt to isolate the varying
degrees of this phenomenon. 

Type I-  the Regular Asshole.....just your everyday, common asshole

Type II- the Stupid alarmingly large percentage of our population falls into
this category.  For some special examples, visit .

Type III- the God Dam Asshole.....person who unconsciously insults or endangers the
lives of others through selfishness and/or stupidity

Type IV – the Fucking Asshole..... person who deliberately insults or endangers the life
of others through selfishness and/or stupidity  

Type V - the Complete Asshole..... 1.person who consistently demonstrates a wide
variety of obnoxious behaviors  2. a self-absorbed whiner who thinks he knows everything
3. person who denigrates or belittles another to embellish his own social status or sense
of being

Type VI - the Flaming Asshole..... not quite a Real Asshole, but pretty darn close

Type VII- the Real Asshole.....the worst kind of asshole imaginable

The Original Asshole…..For years we had reason to believe the Original Asshole had died
or was more likely murdered. But just recently, our Investigation Department has provided
evidence suggesting the Original Asshole is still alive!  We just don’t know where he is.
Most of us here suspect he’s hiding somewhere.  If you or anyone you know feel you’ve
encountered this person, PLEASE contact the institute immediately!

Other asshole categories:

Group Assholes….
phenomenon by which you encounter an entire “group” of people
who are all assholes.

The Quiet Asshole……
people who say and do nothing in particular…you just somehow
know they’re assholes.

The Interesting Asshole…..
people who somehow capture your imagination and may
even amuse you, but they’re still assholes

The Benevolent Asshole….
category disqualified….found to be an oxymoron.

”OK” Assholes……
people who you like and hang around with….probably because you
yourself, are an asshole.

Do you wonder if any of the above categories apply to you? It's probably unlikely.
But be careful!  You, yes you, could actually be an asshole yourself. For example,
there has probably been a time when you made a careless mistake while driving,
like forgetting your directional. The driver in the car behind you most likely shouted,
“you stupid asshole!” You were, therefore, ipso facto, an asshole.

"Most accidents are caused by Cranial-rectal Inversion Syndrome"
....thx JH

While we here at the International Institute for the Research of Assholism are primarily
concerned with our studies, we do occasionally put forth statements to help keep the public
warned and informed.
- article written by Rick and Steve Branch

  Comments or Questions? CLICK HERE

Branch Brothers Main Homepage / BranchArt
Branch Brothers Original MusicWriter's Corner Homepage

Editorials / Poetry / Quotations / Lyrics