The focus of this years annual
agendum has been to clarify the issues at hand. The
sheer magnitude of assholes that now roam our planet has warranted more in-depth
studies in an attempt to, hopefully, find some kind of explanation. Here at the institute
weve found it necessary to categorize them in an attempt to isolate the varying
degrees of this phenomenon.
Type I- the Regular Asshole.....just your everyday,
Type II- the Stupid Asshole.....an alarmingly large percentage of our population
this category. For some special examples,
visit http://www.darwinawards.com .
Type III- the God Dam Asshole.....person who unconsciously insults or endangers the
lives of others through selfishness and/or stupidity
Type IV the Fucking Asshole..... person who deliberately
insults or endangers the life
of others through selfishness and/or stupidity
Type V - the Complete Asshole..... 1.person who consistently
demonstrates a wide
variety of obnoxious behaviors 2. a self-absorbed whiner who thinks he
3. person who denigrates or belittles another to embellish his own social status
Type VI - the Flaming Asshole..... not quite a Real Asshole, but
pretty darn close
VII- the Real Asshole.....the worst kind of
RESEARCH HAS RECENTLY FOUND THIS PERSON MAY ACTUALLY BE IN OUR MIDST!!!.
..For years we had
reason to believe the Original Asshole had died
or was more likely murdered. But just recently, our Investigation Department has provided
evidence suggesting the Original Asshole is still alive!
We just dont know where he is.
Most of us here suspect hes hiding somewhere. If
you or anyone you know feel youve
encountered this person, PLEASE contact the institute immediately!
Other asshole categories:
.phenomenon by which
you encounter an entire group of people
who are all assholes.
The Quiet Asshole
people who say and
do nothing in particular
you just somehow
know theyre assholes.
The Interesting Asshole
.. people who somehow
capture your imagination and may
even amuse you, but theyre still assholes
The Benevolent Asshole
.found to be an
people who you like
and hang around with
.probably because you
yourself, are an asshole.
Do you wonder if any of the above categories
apply to you? It's probably unlikely.
But be careful! You, yes you, could
actually be an asshole yourself. For example,
there has probably been a time when you made a careless mistake while driving,
like forgetting your directional. The driver in the
car behind you most likely shouted,
you stupid asshole! You were, therefore, ipso facto,
"Most accidents are caused by Cranial-rectal Inversion Syndrome"
we here at the International Institute for the Research of Assholism are primarily
concerned with our studies, we do occasionally put forth statements to help keep
warned and informed. - article written by Rick and Steve Branch